Days of Our Bob
by Jei-Sai Maxwell
Summary: An intimate look into the deep and twisted love life of everyone's favorite jeep...BOB!!! Okay, I was put up to writing this...dun flame me. It's just nonsense. Read it with a light heart! There's some Max & Liz moments and some Isabel & Alex moments to


~*~*~Dedicated to: Lau....YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! ~*~*~   
Disclaimer: I don't own any Roswell characters...not even Bob...::sighs::  
  
Author's note: This fic gets pretty wacky! Please don't flame me...it wasn't my idea! I'm just doin' this for my friend. Sorry t'all the candygirls out there though...(I'm one of ya! Michael and Maria forever!!) but our Michael has another love interest. It's weird...be warned. And I guess you could say it's Yaoi, if you consider Bob a true male. @_@  
  
One more thing: For all you Alex lovers out there...I apologize, I'm not exactly nice to him. But I make up for it by Tess bashing, so I hope that helps!   
  
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The tough brawny body sleekly brushed against the black chrome, his labored hand softly caressing the frame. His mind wandered to the seats as he gently opened the driver's side door and the jeep let out a seductive rumble. Yes, it was a fact that Michael had fallen in love with Bob since the first time the jeep crossed his sight. He was forever captivated by the sound of Bob's purring engine, and the way the New Mexico sun danced across the shiny figure of the one he loved. Bob...forever...Bob. He longed to ride into the sunset across the flat golden landscape, forgetting in that perfect moment that his life was so stressful...forgetting that he was an alien hybrid. Just to feel the warm wind in his hair as he mounted his dark and strong lover.  
'Oh, Bob...' Michael thought to himself, gazing upon his hearts desire. 'Someday I'll take ya outta this place. Away from Maxwell in there.' He looked over to the house where he knew Max Evans was fast asleep. It would be so easy for him to break in and steal the keys, to awaken Bob from his peaceful slumber, whisper sweet nothings to his automotive sweetheart, and drive off into the night. Only one thing stood in his way.   
Tess came darting down the dark street, that same piggish look on her face, and shoved Michael away from Bob.  
"I know what you're up to, Michael!" She squealed in her equally piggish voice, her beady-squinty eyes practically forcing Michael to the brink of nausea. He turned away and began to softly stroke the jeep again.  
"You'll get the hell outta here, Tess," He voice was soft yet ominous, "If ya know what's good for ya."  
Tess blinked, but continued, "I'm gonna tell Max about this!" This time the was a small tremor in her voice.   
Michael could sense her fear and his intense glare beat down on her. His response was short but effective, "You do, you die."  
Tess slowly backed away, but returned the glare (only her glare merely looked like a pig grimacing), "Fine. But you just wait. You'll get what's coming to you!" And with that, Tess ran into the night, cackling like a mad woman, and one could swear you heard a pig-like snort as she faded off into the distance.  
The tall, dark, and handsome man could care less what Tess had said, nor was he the least bit irked by her threat. He simply turned back to Bob, leaned in to the lustful interior and kissed the steering wheel tenderly, before starting back home. "Tomorrow, things are gonna change, Bob. I promise. I love you..." Then he departed from his sleeping beauty.  
When Michael's figure could no longer be seen, Bob's head beams flickered open, his brilliant orbs open to the world. He gazed about, searching for the voice of his lover, the voice her heard on the edge of his dreams.  
'My lover's gone...no earthly ships will ever bring...him home...again.' Bob thought to himself.  
  
Later That Night: Behind the Evan's House  
  
Isabel sat on a small bench just outside her house next to Alex, who had mysteriously risen from the dead. The two love birds sat there...for a looooong time just gazing into each other's eyes, until Isabel couldn't stand it anymore. She pulled Alex into a passionate embrace and began making out with him intensely (much to Alex's liking, this was the kind of thing he dreamed of...and she knew it ^_~). But just as things began to heat up, a Frisbee flew from out of no where, harshly connecting with the back of Alex's head, cracking into his scull. Isabel jumped to her feet, letting go of Alex's newly dead body and screamed.  
"You've killed Alex!! You bastards!"  
  
~The Next Day~  
  
Max turned of Bob's engine and hopped out of the car. He clasped a bouquet of beautiful pink roses in one hand and strode into the Crashdown with an unusually huge grin (for Max anyway) across his face. As he entered he ran straight to Liz, who was currently taking an order, handed her the bouquet, then embraced her and kissed her passionately. Liz was stunned, to say the least, but gladly returned Max's passionate kiss. She wondered to herself as they kissed that he might be drunk again, but as the kiss deepened, it really didn't matter anymore. Every single customer in the Crashdown focused on the young couple, and Maria, who was behind the counter, smirked a bit but clapped. She was happy that Liz was happy. As Max continued to kiss his angel, he lifted her into his arms and walked into the back. You can just guess what happened then. (need I say more?)  
Meanwhile, Tess had been outside, observing the entire performance. Her face was blood red and steam poured from her ears. Her piggish face grew to twice it's abnormal size until it seemed her head would explode. Alas, it did not, as a matter of fact...it gave her a fiendish idea. Her mad gaze turned to Bob, parked just across the street. She looked around to make sure no one was watching and scampered over to Bob, jumping into the drivers seat. Once she made herself comfortable, she pulled out her secret box of cigarettes and lit one up, then freakishly puffed away at it in record time.  
"Why not kill two birds with one stone? Michael and Max, both enraged by the defacing of their beloved Bob!" She giggled to herself. She slowly bent down to the passenger seat next to her, bringing the butt of the cigarette dangerously close to the upholstery. Bob could feel the heat rising against him and he wished he could beep his own horn, but it was no use...he was helpless. The evil witch insanely cackled as she drove the scolding hot butt into Bob, burning and melting through the seat, causing the poor jeep unimaginable pain. The last thing that passed through Bob's mind as the darkness of unconsciousness enveloped him, was the picture of his true love.  
  
That Night: In Isabel's Room  
  
The sound of Max and Liz's little affair could be heard through out the Evan's house. It was a good thing their parents were out. After their little rendezvous at the Crashdown, and finding poor Bob cruelly defaced, Max needed some comforting...and since they had started, why not continue?  
Isabel grimaced and rolled her eyes wishing at that moment she could shoot them both. But suddenly all of her troubles vanished as a newly risen Alex walked in the door (don't ask how he does it).   
"Alex! I missed you so much!" Isabel said as she leaped from her bed into Alex's arms.  
"I missed you too, Isabel." He smiled brightly and kissed the top of her head tenderly. "Heh...do you...want to continue what we started...last night?" He blushed as she proposed this.  
Isabel nodded eagerly and playfully threw Alex on top of her bed, then pounced on him and began to make out with him. But as soon as Alex rolled over on top of Isabel, another Frisbee from hell crashed through Isabel's window and impaled itself into Alex's skull, killing him instantly.  
As Alex's bloody and lifeless body laid on top of Isabel, she screamed, "Hey! They killed Alex! You bastards!"  
  
Meanwhile - In the Driveway:  
  
Michael was doing something he rarely did as he sat secretly in the driver's seat of Bob; he was crying. He stroked the awful burn mark that Tess's cigarette had left and wept. But as soon as his tears dissipated he lifted his head, fire in his eyes. His voice was more frightening and disturbing than Max in drag (@_@ what a scary thought!). His words were few...but just enough.  
"I will kill you Tess...Tess...the pig woman."  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
  
  
Did you like it?? Was it funny? Hey, if yer so inclined, drop me a review! That'd be cool! I'll continue this story very, very soon. ^_^ Ja ne!  
  
  
  



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